It's ok not to be ok, but not for too long!

Sometimes when life is tough and we're finding it particularly difficult, struggling with low mood or anxiety (or both!) it can seem almost impossible to find things for which to be thankful. When we are overwhelmed by hardships, relationships turn sour, or that awful feeling of dread follows us around, simply getting through the day takes all our energy and an attitude of gratitude seems elusive and ineffectual. I know this and there have certainly been periods in my life when I simply couldn't sit down at the end of the day and consider 'three things for which I'm grateful' I just crawled into bed, pulled up the sheets and prayed that sleep would come and give me some relief from my struggles and anxious thoughts.

In other words, I was not ok, and I know at the moment there's a buzz phrase saying that 'it's ok not to be ok' and I get that. I understand the meaning behind it is to encourage people to be honest about their struggles and not pretend that life is fine when it absolutely isn't. It also suggests that it is perfectly normal to struggle at times, feel below par and not cope as well as we usually might. It is ok to not be ok, however, it isn't ok if we continue to not be ok, if we lose our mojo, and our energy continues to be depleted. It isn't ok to go on day after day barely getting through, wishing life away and battling silently. It isn't ok when we constantly berate ourselves, busy ourselves to overwhelm in an attempt to avoid thinking or feeling. And it isn't ok when self-care sounds like a joke because we're so burnt out caring for others, resenting it more each day.

I know this post has a different tone to my usual uplifting, hope filled encouragements. That isn't because I'm deeply depressed or going through anything particularly difficult right now. It's because the very reason I write this blog is to say I, like many others have found life extremely tough at times. I have had periods of depression when my joy was all but snuffed out and I've woken in the morning many times with churning anxiety, wishing it was bedtime already so I could find some relief in sleep (then found sleep escape me). I have lost loved ones and wondered how I would be able to go on without them, swamped in grief and all at sea. I write because over the years I have needed to reach out to others for help saying, "I'm really not ok, but I so want to be". The help I found wasn't found in one place, at one time, or through one person, it didn't come immediately, and it didn't come easily. Sadly, it's a fact that accessing help for mental illness or poor mental health is tough, and it is something people have to fight for when they have the least fight in them.

What I want to say today is while life was hard and while I was tired, I always had a tiny bit of hope inside me that life didn't have to be this way, that life could in fact be wonderful, and that there was joy to be found, because I had experienced glimmers of it and I wanted more of it in my daily life. So, I made a decision to find some solutions, ways of restoring my mental health, ways in which to maintain it, and hopefully to remain well, recognising hazards and taking positive action if I begin to struggle.

I don't write as an expert; I write as a fellow struggler, who is finding purpose, joy and fulfilment in life having known some really hard times. I write because I have a deep desire to reach out to others and let them know they aren't alone, and to know that if they are finding life tough right now or live with poor mental health, that there is hope and there is help, though it can be hard to come by. Along with the help of others I have found it is the things I do for myself on a daily basis that help me maintain wellness. They are little things, but they add up to the big things, making a huge difference in my outlook.

So, if you are not ok today, if your struggle is ongoing and you're running out of steam, please reach out for help, know that it is a strength to ask for help and not the weakness that you fear. Talk to your GP, a friend or relative, Start the ball rolling today, because it's not ok to continue to not be ok! Life really does have more to offer, and you are certainly worth more.

I am a counsellor and if you wish to speak to me about how I may help please call: 07824750775

Or my email: counsellingwithjacqueline@outlook.com

Find me on my website: www.counsellingwithjacquelinecraine.co.uk

My Facebook page: facebook.com/counsellingwithjacqueline

Here are some helpline numbers of organisations you may find helpful. Many of them are freephone, but please check before calling.

Samaritans- Telephone 116 123. Email- jo@samaritans.org

Cruse (bereavement support) Telephone- 0808 808 1677.

Mind info line (information and signposting) Telephone-0300 123 3393. Email info@mind.org.uk

Sobs (survivors of bereavement by suicide) Telephone-0300 111 5065 Email-email.support@uksobs.org

Text "shout" to 85258 or "ym" if you're under 19 for help in mental health crises

Papyrus-Hopeline number-0300 102 2470 suicide prevention for children and people under the age of 35, or those with concerns for others. Email-pat@papyrus-uk.org

CALM (campaign against living miserably.Telephone-0800 58 58 58