Grow through what you go through

Surviving and thriving

Growing near a bench where I often sit and read is a small acer type tree, planted a few years ago by a member of the public. Although small, it seemed to enjoy its situ and was beginning to flourish. I was sad to notice as I approached the bench earlier this year that someone had damaged the tree, breaking off the branches, leaving just the trunk and jagged edges. It seemed the poor tree's life had been cut short by an act of vandalism. You can imagine my joy then, when on a recent visit to the bench I found the tree had sprouted new shoots of growth and defying the odds seemed to be making a comeback.

This reminds me of people who have experienced great loss and difficult times, who could understandably have given up on life, and certainly have withdrawn into a protective if somewhat dark shell of their former selves. Yet many times through amazing acts of courage and strength these people rise from the ashes as it were, and go on not just to survive their difficult experiences, but to thrive and live valuable lives with meaning and purpose.

I wonder what the word thrive means to you today? A dictionary definition is ‘to grow vigorously’ or to ‘flourish,’ to progress toward, or realise a goal despite or because of difficult circumstances. I understand that there are times in life when we feel we are anything but thriving, as its antonyms suggest, we may feel we are failing, regressing, struggling, or in decline. The truth is that struggle often precedes growth, working through difficulties can cause us to become more resilient, creative, and may help clarify our next steps and goals.

To ‘grow through what you go through’ may sound twee, yet as a counsellor it is my belief that with the right support, time to talk and explore, and learning the art of self-compassion it is possible to grow, and even flourish. Growth means different things to different people, and often people put unrealistic expectations upon themselves and are disappointed and deflated when they fail to meet these self-imposed expectations. Growth can take the form of a tiny shoot rising from the ground, a butterfly emerging from the chrysalis, or a phoenix rising from the ashes. Each of these examples has something in common, there has been purposeful, hidden work going on beneath the surface. Similarly, personal growth takes time and energy. It requires a willingness to dig deep and look at life and what growth means through a different lens.

The counselling relationship can create a space where you feel safe to talk, and be listened to and valued for who you are. Counselling gives you the opportunity to explore different aspects of yourself, your life and your relationships with others. Counselling can open opportunities for growth, for change, and new ways of being in the world.

It may be that you feel stuck or stagnant today, you may nurse a hidden desire to grow and develop, yet feel you’ve somehow lost your way. Life may be difficult, you may be feeling depressed or anxious or you might be grieving the loss of a loved one or the end of a significant relationship. Counselling provides a time just for you, a regular slot in the diary where you know you will be listened to without judgement and accepted for who you are, and where you are at.

Carl Rogers, the founder of person-centred therapy said, ‘The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.’. Often as people we try to fast forward to change because we don’t like who or where we find ourselves.

Growth often begins with self-awareness and self-care. Without nurture we fail to thrive. A good counselling relationship can provide the right conditions for safe self-reflection and exploration of what we need to grow and move forward in life. If you are struggling to work things out on your own there is strength in reaching out for help, sometimes we get stuck in grief or in negative thinking patterns and can’t see the wood for the trees. Talking to a counsellor can be the first step to becoming unstuck and seeing things more clearly, discovering what our next steps might be.

If you think counselling would benefit you, either outdoor or indoor, you can contact me to book any of the services mentioned with the following,

Phone: 07824750775

Email: counsellingwithjacqueline@outlook.com

We can then arrange a free 30-minute informal chat to find out if we could work together.

Important Notice:

I offer a counselling service as I am not an emergency service.

If you are in mental health crisis, please contact the following,

-           Your GP

-           The Samaritans helpline at 116 123

 In an emergency call 999